About three times a week, I spend my lunch hour hiking here:
It’s about ten minutes from my office. I know, you hate me. Don’t care. Not the point.
The Little People know about this hiking thing and frankly, they’re not at all envious, because they hate hiking. Unless it’s all downhill. With cookies. And, like, five bucks.
Anyway. As you know, the Little People are at my parents’ ranch this summer (where there is probably no hiking, ever, but they still get cookies and five bucks). The Adolescent Boy called me today and was all Mom! You cannot go to the beach today! Seriously, I mean it, you have to stay away from the beach! And I? Thought that maybe my mom had some weird dream that I died at the beach and told him to call me. Because she’s weird like that.
Me: Hello?
My Mom: Hi. Is everything alright?
Me: Uh-huh. Why?
My Mom: The kids? Are the kids alright?
Me: Uh-huh. They’re fine.
My Mom: Can you see them? Each of them?
Me: Uh-huh. Why?
My Mom: Well, I didn’t want to upset you, but I had a dream last night.
Me: Oh. And we all died some horrible death in the dream?
My Mom: Well, no, but I was was wandering around our old house carrying a baby. And I kept dropping the baby.
Me: ?
My Mom: So you’re all alright?
Me: Uh-huh.
My Mom: Okay, I’ve got to call your brother and your sisters.
*click*
This happens fairly frequently, actually. Only sometimes it’s my dad who’s had the dream, but it’s still my mom who calls. The only difference is that she says well, I don’t want to upset you, but your father had a dream last night. Because he’s pretend psychic too.
Anyway. There wasn’t a dream this time.
Turns out? The Adolescent Boy was reading the newspaper this morning (and again, how exactly is Grandma’s house more fun than mine?) and he read an article about giant man-killing squid all over the shallow waters off the San Diego beaches. (I don’t know why this made the news in Aspen.)
The Adolescent Boy: Mom. I’m serious, listen, [and here he proceeded to read the article aloud]
Thousands of jumbo flying squid [!]— aggressive 5-foot-long sea monsters [!] with razor-sharp beaks [!] and toothy tentacles [!] — have invaded the shallow waters off San Diego, spooking scuba divers and washing up dead [!] on tourist-packed beaches.
The carnivorous [!] calamari [!], which can grow up to 100 pounds [!!], came up from the depths last week and swarms of them roughed up unsuspecting divers…. [swarms Mom!]
Stories of too-close encounters with the alien-like cephalopods [Mom! Cephalopods!] have chased many veteran divers out of the water.
Me: Awesome. Okay, gotta go.
The Adolescent Boy: MOM! I’M SERIOUS!
He didn’t want me to get killed. By a squid. While I was hiking on the cliffs a hundred feet above the beach. I totally love him the best.
20 comments:
I will grant him iPhone privileges now.
well i heard about this in mexico today. and um, hello? i told you there was a reason i don't like getting in the ocean water. SWARMS OF CARNIVOROUS RAZOR SHARP BEAKED SQUID!!
Maybe he'll be just as concerned and caring in 40 years when he's choosing your nursing home. :-)
Seriously, what a sweet boy!
I tore the article out of the paper to read when I got home. Super cool. So did you go to the beach and see any? I totally would have.:o)And the dreams well they really do happen. She told me about a weird dream and one year later it actually happened to slide right down into snowmass creek.
I like him too. Sweetie.
Well I know its not the point but I am jealous.
Maybe not of the hiking.
Or the carnivorous squid.
But the photographic opportunities?
Hell yes.
Hey, carnivorous flying squid can surely climb cliffs...
Also? How do you ever make it back to work after that? I'd be so distracted by all the shiny beach objects.
He DID say they were FLLYING SQUID!!!!
Love your writing!
and now he definitely won't go on that hike with you. man-eating squid would do it for me too.
You can't be too careful, if you ask me. :)
Even I have to catch my breath from the view on that hike, and I've been in SD more than 15 years. In fact, if non-residents are NOT jealous, I always feel sort of offended. ;)
Pretty sure my kids would be sending the squid to my bedroom in the hopes it would eat me.
Seriously? Giant man-eating squid, right here in southern California?
Your blog is just so damn funny.
Precious... he wants to make sure you don't die in such a painful, dramatic way. (Because falling off a razor sharp cliff? Probably wouldn't hurt all that bad.)
The green pickup you called Mom about while she was in Florida last year! And, the train dream>
Love you Vin You, also have d
Your boy makes my heart sing. With exclamation points.
My kids know better than to worry about me & water-related death since I only welcome wetness when bathing.
Happy squid-free hiking :D
I just checked my comment. Weird! I can not get used to using a desktop. Ok I meant you have dreams too, that you warn people of. The green pickup dream and the train dream.
Love you, Vin
Better!
Wow. This maybe sounds mean, but I kind of want you to go hiking so you can get a picture of them, y'know? Still, sweet of your boy to care so much.
I love your blog.
I wonder if man eating squid is tasty. I'm guessing not. What a waste.
Squid burgers. Check out Jake on You Tube. And No typos.
That is awesome.
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