Someone posted something on Twitter tonight asking for parenting strategies for keeping kids happy on long car rides. Other than I Spy. People had parenting strategies. Me? Not so much.
(I'm not even sure I know the rules to I Spy. I try to play I Spy, and the First Grader spies Something Blue. And I go the sky? No. That house? No. That car? No. My shirt? Your eyes? My purse? Your shoes? That guy's shirt? That road sign? That smurf? The Girl's backpack? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, which smurf? No, no. And I go okay, I give up. And he goes the earth, from very far away or the IBM logo. Or some shit.)
My best parenting strategy is that sometimes the Super Balls Need To Be Washed. For real. This technique can bring the First Grader back from most meltdowns.
I go hey, the super balls need to be washed. And he goes I'm not doing anything you ever say, EVER! Wait. Wha...?? I tell him the super balls are dirty. And sort of dull and gray-ish. And I go get this giant jar of super balls and tell him that I don't have time to wash them, and could he do it, and I'll pay him a dollar? And he does it.
He dumps them all out into the kitchen sink, and he rolls up his sleeves and fills the kitchen sink with soapy water and sits on the kitchen counter with his feet in the sink and washes each super ball. After he drops them all into the water over and over while making pshew pshew sounds and whispering to himself about the Great Super Ball War. For an hour.
And then he drains the soapy water and rinses them off. After thoroughly washing his hands and feet for the first time all week. By accident. For twenty minutes.
And then he lays them out to dry. After he rearranges them sixteen times and sorts them by color and size. For thirty minutes.
And then he puts them all back in the jar. After washing the jar six times with organic window cleaner and arranging them so it looks like the eyeballs are staring at him. For half an hour.
Booyah. Mom of the Year.
34 comments:
I am fedexing by air many many more superballs. And how about a jar full of those plastic sankes? And some of those sticky frogs? They actually work better after they are washed. Oh yeah, and a box of kittens.
After reading that there is no doubt in my mind that you are indeed Mom of the Year.
My solution to long car trips were iPods and Nintendo DSes. Everyone is plugged into her own world and I don't have to hear any whining.
As a mom?
You rock out loud!
Great job! I felt soothed and calmed just thinking about this whole process.
You are so very clever.
Wow - I think I might need my own jar of super balls, that sounds like fun. And kinda Zen.
Julia likes to make me "soup" in the sink - it usually involves her and most of my kitchen getting drenched, but you can get all the guck off her hands after that.
I kept meaning to ask why those were on our kitchen counter.
High five, wife.
ssssh! Don't tell him.
I have a fence that needs whitewashing, if you're lending him out....
outstanding! now i want to find all my kids' superballs and put them in a jar.
Impressive. You got the Mom of the Year Award AND you found a use for some of that crap that comes in loot bags.
oh my god. that is effing brilliant.
see, I have been stupidly disposing of any gumball machine superball that comes into the house. Damn, what was I thinking?
I think Adventure dog should be added into the mix and you could have even more fun. He really likes superballs, he will even bring them back. He might even dunk his head in the water to get one out, even if it doesn't sink.
MAS
I want a jar of super balls just like yours. We have super balls all willy nilly in the house, under beds, in toy boxes. They look great in that jar!
Washing super balls? You're a genius.
awesome idea! I will now begin collecting for when my child is old enough to be trusted with superballs. actually, we should be fine as long as they're not nostril-sized.
Where does a mother in need buy these amazing little toys???
Apparently, we share a child.
NO KITTENS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
genius!
We have a box of rain here in our house. And the thing is? You can't wash it.
So not Mom of the Year.
Is Anonymous KELLIE? Just wondering.
Oh, that so makes up for the pink eye thing. I love it. What a brilliant idea and how cute is he that he loves doing it.
BooYah! I need some superballs - and one of those Willy WOnka looking candy jars to put them in.
KEEP BELIEVING
Ladyhead looks lovely.
That. Is awesome. But how do they get all dirty?? You can't possibly let the kids actually play with them .. they'd never get put back in my house!
You are sooo good!!
Mine would have dropped them down the drain and turned on the garbage disposal!
Sheer brilliance.
More like MILF of the year.
Anon
You are a GENIUS.
Wait a minute - you use organic window cleaner?
Impressive.
As is the chore.
I bow to a master.
I flippin' love you. And your kids.
oh my gosh! how have i missed reading you all these long months? you are brilliant!
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