Mar 21, 2008

miscalculation

I made a fairly significant Mom Miscalculation yesterday. And the Kindergartener was pissed. Seriously pissed. And also maybe traumatized.

Me: It'll be fun.
The Adolescent Boy: Super fun.
The Kindergartener: It's too scary.
Me: No, roller coasters are great! And you're finally big enough! Yay you!
The Kindergartener: I don't think so.
The Girl: It's fun, I promise. Just try.
Me: Come on, it's fun.
The Kindergartener: I'll wait with Gram.
Me: No. Come on, you'll be fine. It's fun.
The Kindergartener [dubiously]: Okay.

Wait in line for 20 minutes. Replay above conversation once every three minutes. Involve the people in front of and behind us in line for more assurances that roller coasters are great! Fun! Unmissable! Along with some "look at that little boy... he's way littler than you and he's going".

Me: You get to be in the very front with the Adolescent Boy! Lucky!
The Kindergartener: I don't want to go.
Me: No, it's fun. When we go down the big hill put your hands up in the air. Like this!
The Kindergartener: I'm not doing that.

Off we went. Up, up, up. Doooowwnnn!

And then? Complete abject terror. And screaming. But not in the good this-is-completely-awesome-let's-get-right-back-in-line way. More in the I'm-totally-going-to-die-and-my-mom-knew-it way.

The Kindergartener did not like the hurtling toward Earth at a gabillion miles an hour parts. Or the turns at Mach 7 parts or the getting drenched parts or the absolute surety that he was not going to live to see his sixth birthday in six days parts. And also? People can totally tell the difference between a face being wet from being splashed on a ride and being wet from crying in fear for one's life.

Good thing Grandma was with us, she always knows just what to say. In this case, she piled the crying, traumatized Kindergartener up in her lap and said, "Mommy's a dope."

Mom of the year for sure.

29 comments:

Cheri said...

Been there, done that. It is a rite of passage to have the shit scared out of you at your mother's urging. Makes them stronger. And then they get something from the gift shop that they wouldn't have gotten if you didn't feel so guilty.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

Kids that don't like rollercoasters cannot be made to like them.

We learned that with Grown-up Girl at age 5 when she leaped out of the front car of the Matterhorn, screamed "You can't make me!" and ran off.

Nicole P said...

ehhh, he'll be alright....eventually!
Funny story though.

RuthWells said...

Hey, I made my kid puke by taking him on the centrifigal/swirly/rotation thingies (totally the right name for them, too) before he was ready. Poor little bugger was green for hours. He now loves all kinds of rides, so I don't *think* I scarred him for life....

Jess said...

Oh man... that is funny. Probably the funniest story I have heard in weeks. Good thing mama was there, other wise you would have been in serious trouble.

Jess said...

Oh man... that is funny. Probably the funniest story I have heard in weeks. Good thing mama was there, other wise you would have been in serious trouble.

Lisa Milton said...

You could be very well predicting our future at Disneyland next month, because I AM riding everything and want my kids to also.

I hope Zack is ready.

If not, I'll be limping to the best mom line with you.

I AM VERY MARY said...

Oh, Cheri's correct. Rite of passage. I, too, made my once-upon-a-7-year-old ride a roller coaster. She, too, cried. I, too, was a dope. And she's never gone on one again. But she'll high dive from a 15-foot high diving board. Got me.

just jamie said...

Man. I totally screwed any future trust with my daughter playing that game. Wish I would have read this, first.

Amy the Mom said...

I feel the same way about roller coasters that you feel about sushi.

Mrs. G. said...

You either love the scary rides or you hate them. I'm pretty sure we've all had those mom-of-the year moments. It would be pretty boring if we didn't. I'm going with the notion that it builds character. Rght?

Jeni said...

The year I took my three kids to Cedar Point, my youngest was not quite tall enough to be allowed on some of the rides - roller coaster (Blue Streak) being one of 'em. Older daughter convinced my son to go on the Blue Streak although he held a very, VERY Strong fear of "rolly coasters" then. She lied to him and told him it was NOT a rolly coaster and he finally bought her line there. As they crested the first hill and began that first high descent, he screamed "YOU LIED TO ME!" over and over again, for the rest of the ride. We still tease him about that and although he will, if pressured, go on a rolly coaster 25 plus years later, he's not the fan of them his sisters are. Yes, the little one was furious that she was not allowed on that ride and still is ticked over being cheated out of one of the big thrills of life.

~ Denise said...

I have done it too. It took him a loooonnnng time to let me forget it too.

Grandma's always make things better!!

stephanie said...

Ah, the memory of traumatizing our daughter on Tower of Terror two years ago.

We should all have savings accounts started for therapy.

Katney said...

I guess we aren't related after all. Cowlicks aren't everything. I think the roller coaster gene is stronger than the cowlick gene.

We took our kids to a theme park when the oldest three were in college and the youngest three high school age. In the course of the day we divided and regrouped several times. At one of these times my hubby and I went on a roller coaster. (I didn't like it, but I thought I should do it anyway. I did not scream like the kindergartner. No sound could escape my petrified throat.)

When we told the kids what we had done the ride, they refused to believe that I had done it. I had to do it again with them watching.

ALF said...

she'll be telling that story for years to come...

The Doggy Did It said...

screw that, you did a good job, he loved it. The tears were just a guilt trip.

Shamu said...

Oh, but, did you get the full effect by having some yahoo fire the water cannon's on you at the most unexpected time of the ride? ;)

dkuroiwa said...

Oh man...this made me remember MY first roller coaster ride...I was 8 years old and we were at Lakeside Part there in Denver...the old style coaster...I was with my Dad and when the ride went out over the lake...the car at a tilt...I can still remember my dad saying "Talk to me Debbie...say something Debbie...scream Debbie...."
From me? Absolutely freaking nothing!! No scream...no shout...not even a whimper!! Trauma at its best!!
But..but..but...today...I am the Queen of the RollerCoasters...I'll ride almost anything!!!
Put my butt on a ferris wheel or a merry-go-round and I am green pukey toast!! Go figure!!
He'll be fine!!!

Laura said...

Oh, you poor sweetie. (I mean you, not Kindergartener -- being a mom is tough sometimes.) I hate roller coasters, myself. You couldn't drag me to Disneyland/World/whatever. (Also, Mickey freaks me out.)

When my youngest was about 4, I convinced him that he would love ice skating, just as his brother and sister did. We stepped out onto the rink and immediately he clutched my knees in a death grip. We "had" to go all the way around the rink -- can't turn around and go the Wrong Way, you know. It took us Forever to skate around the huge rink, Owen slipping and crying and trembling. When we finally stepped off the ice he headed for the arcade and made me pay for trying to convince him that skating was fun. Many quarters later, he vowed to come back to the rink again only if he never had to skate, but could spend the whole time in the arcade. Huh.

noble pig said...

Oh my gosh, the dope comment cracked me up. I'm stll laughing.

Christy said...

Poor kid. I am sure I'll be sharing a similar story in a few years.

Tootsie Farklepants said...

Yeah. heh. I've done that too. And they didn't trust me for the rest of the day. I don't know why.

Happy Easter!

Lucy said...

Wicked wicked mummy! He'll have that one on you for ever and ever.

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

I do the exact same thing at least once per month. Last night I made the assumption that the Toddler had moved past her phobia of people in costumes. Not s omuch, it turns out. Oops.

judy said...

Go Here and spread the word
http://averyopenbook.blogspot.com/2008/03/gifts-up-for-grab.html

Becky said...

I've done it, too. Poor kidlet will likely never forgive me.

Grandy said...

Oh...I've done that one. Worse yet, I've conspired with my sister on her kids too. If you're mother of the year I'll stand next to you as aunt of the year. And yeah, I'm a dope too. ;)

bluemountainsmary said...

This might be one of the best things I can do for my children. Not put them on a rollercoaster.

Because they wet my pants freak me out.

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