Every chump in San Marcos likes Christmas a lot...
But me? Who lives just North of Nordstrom does NOT!
I just dislike Christmas, the whole Christmas season!
Now, don't bug me about why, no one would get all the reasons.
It could be the photo cards or lame Christmas letters.
It could be, perhaps, the Jingle Bell sweaters.
But I think that the most likely reason of all,
May be all the anxiety I feel at the mall.
But whatever the reason,
the sweaters or malls,
I look on at Christmastime hating it all.
The reindeer on rooftops the penguins on lawns,
The candy cane sugar buzz and snowflake long johns,
The only part that I like, though completely cliche,
Are the twinkling and dazzling, bright light displays. 
And now as it happens,
I've just seen the best, most brilliant exhibit,
incandescently, phosphorescently, luminously lit,
in Ranch-o Penasquitos, just North of the city,
comprised of a gabillion, six jillion and fifty,
of the smallest, most brilliant, twinkling lights,
It dazzled my eyes...oh what a sight!
I became so inspired, enthralled and enthused,
I went off to Target feeling completely bemused.
I stood there in Seasonal, not hating the shoppers,
Seeing rope lights and snowmen and star-shaped tree-toppers.
I felt mirthful and smug at the clearance size prices,
On all manner of decorative Christmas devices.
We loaded the cart, my three elves and I,
With plenty of bulbs to light up the sky.
I sneakily snuck in some presents as well,
Legos, Transformers and an American Girl Doll,
Covered in towels I claimed that we needed,
The elves went along, presents unheeded.
And what happened then? Just let me tell...
Then? I'm afraid...it just went all to hell.
I stood there alone, at Checkstand Thirteen,
While the elves went off to the soda machine.
I swiped my card, wincing only a little,
As the transaction transacted, I awaited transmittal.
I looked at my haul, only a little bit queasy,
And knowing, for sure, the lights would be cheesy.
Declined! Not approved! We don't want your kind!
Take your card and your elves or you'll surely be fined!
Your gold card is not good, it's quite totally lame,
We don't want you here, go back as you came!
You have sullied our store, with your Declined and Disproved,
Now go! You must go! Or we'll have you removed!
I blushed and I stuttered, under the checker's harsh glare,
I knew I had money! I had some, I swear!
But Wells Fargo, it seems, was out for the count.
Their systems were down! They'd kidnapped my account. 
I had nothing, no checks, no Discover, no Visa or cash,
My Christmas spirit was gone, removed in a flash.
My Grinchiness returned, it was back with a fury,
I wanted to get out, and get out in a hurry.
Wells Fargo and Target, the tree-topper star,
I wanted them to load them all up in my car,
with Santa, the penguins, the trees and the presents,
and then drive them all up to the top of Mt. Pleasant.
I'd put a brick on the gas, and there they would go!
Over the edge! To the bottom! In a Fiery! Inferno!
