be kind...it might be me

Everywhere I go, I am that girl. The one who has lost her credit card, or has locked her keys in her car. The one whose voice is recognizable over the phone to her insurance agents. The one who is at the head of whatever line you’re in that has just stalled.

I have wrecked my car five times in two years, all but one of which involved my car and some immovable object: a large cement column in a parking garage, my brother’s truck, (parked unwisely behind me), a parked car on the street, a stopped car in front of me at a stop sign (they had no taillights, so maybe it wasn’t wholly my fault, though my insurance agent disagreed), and a deer (I cried when she died). I have also recently had the back passenger door handle ripped unceremoniously off my car by a black bear. Yeah. That’s right. He wanted the leftover bits from our on-the-go dinner burritos from the previous night. Olé. When I called my insurance agent last month to find out about switching my insurance to an agent in California, I’m pretty sure I heard kazoos.

Last year, on my way home from Nevada, I lost my wallet - driver’s license, credit cards, old receipts, unused Sam Goody and Gap gift cards, everything. I had all my cards replaced, and then swiftly proceeded to lose everything again, but not all at once. First, I lost my debit card, I have a bad habit of putting it in the back pocket of whatever jeans I’m wearing that day and then, well… laundry, bottom of closet, under the car seat, etc.

Okay, no debit card now, so I switched to my Amex. I went skiing with my son, Amex tucked securely in zipper pocket of my super-cool new Bonfire ski coat, until I pulled my Blistic out of the same pocket on the Sam’s Knob lift, and down went the Amex. My Amex card was now cryogenically frozen on Snowmass Mountain. Alright, my Visa card is still available. Twenty gallons of gas, $55.00; new pink embroidered clogs, $99.00; groceries to feed three kids for one week, $237.00; losing your last credit card, priceless. So here I was, left with my Target and Nordstrom cards. Surely everything one family of four could need can be purchased at these two retail giants.

Now, for the driver’s license. I don’t really know where it went. Conceivably with the Amex? Perchance at the bottom of my closet? Perhaps with the socks in the dryer? I can’t be certain. So off I went to the DMV (located conveniently in the Mall) to replace the driver’s license. The photo was so startlingly awful that I had to pretend I’d lost it again and to get another photo. A small setback: if you’ve had your photo taken within the last month, they don’t retake the photo, they just reprint it and charge you $35! Okay, well, Plan B then: wait two months, “lose” it again, and get a new photo. The new photo wasn’t quite as bad, but still, that was one of the pros in the pro/con list of reasons to move to California: will be able to get a new driver’s license, perhaps with a better picture. I’m planning on going in to take care of this on Wednesday. However, I seem to have misplaced my Colorado license when I was buying a new pair of copper, peep-toe heels last Friday. I think getting the California license will be more of a challenge without the Colorado one in hand.

So, the next time you’re in line at the grocery store, and the line stalls; or you’re at the movies and every line is moving but yours; or you’re crossing into California and suddenly the border checkpoint line backs up; be kind. It might be me.



Update: I haven't found my driver's license. To replace: write off to Colorado DMV for a copy of my driving record (six to eight weeks out) and take the written test in California; OR, show up at DMW, with birth certificate and take the written test. If I pass, I can wait at the DMV for six to eight days to take the driving test. Yeah, that's right the driving test, like behind the wheel of a motor vehicle. Seems unwise for me to go that route, no?

Update: Got in my car last night to pick up sister and family at airport. Dead battery. Of course. Tow truck guy took pity on me and came to my house first. *whew* Got to airport on time, 10pm, with three children in pajamas, plane was delayed for over an hour. Superfun.

Update: Lost cell phone today. Called FedEx/Kinko's, Albertson's and Big 5 Sporting Goods to no avail. Searched house and car. Nothing. Later found in the pocket of the shorts I wore out to breakfast this morning.

I am tired.